In the beginning of the year, New Year's Resolutions are set in hopes of making great change in eating habits, exercise routines, communication styles, sleep schedules, and/or relationships. Sometimes goals are lofty and unattainable and sometimes we need support to accomplish these goals. Change, however, is not easy, and it goes against the current flow of how we are living our lives. In an attempt to make change we should acknowledge two important things: First, to create a thriving and flourishing positive communication loop we must balance our positive and negative input. We must find ways to quiet the internal chatter and the negative thoughts that limit us from obtaining goals. We must relay 3 positive statements to every 1 negative statement. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson's, research has found that the 3-to-1 ratio has the potential to help change many negative aspects. For more information regarding this research you can read her book Positivity (Crown Archetype, 2009). Also, Dr. Fredrickson has a two minute quiz at www.positivityratio.com/single.php which will help you determine your current positive to negative ratio, she suggests you take the quiz nightly for two weeks. Along with positive thoughts and actions, Dr. Ibrahim Senay, who is a psychology professor at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign has found that how we phrase goals determines if individuals actually complete those goals. His study shows that by asking, for example, "Will I exercise today?" instead of "I will exercise today." gives the individuals the opportunity to be curious about the possibilities, increases autonomy and helps create a sense of responsibility. Commands that begin with "I Will" lead to feelings of shame or guilt when they are not attempted or completed. As individuals we become more motiviated about completing goals when we are given a choice. More information on this research can be found in Scientific American Mind, "The Willpower Paradox" (July 2010) at www.scientificamerican.com/mind. As we set forth in new and healthier directions for 2011, please know that I am here to assist you on the journey. By reading this today I hope you realize the path to change is multi-layered and the first step is to be kinder with and to yourself. Question your negative thought process and retrain your mind to allow more positive self-talk. |
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